December is the giving month. We search for things we hope our loved ones will need and like and wrap them up in shiny paper. Many people also make charitable gifts this time of year, to help make changes in lives beyond their own. This year, as government pulls back on its traditional role of offering some help to the least fortunate among us, there will be so much need out there and everyone still on the safe side of the poverty line will have lots of choices on how to help.
Looking for inspiration on this topic in my files, I found a piece I’d started two years ago but gave up on. I thought it was worth reviving.
It’s about Damar Hamlin.
You’ll recall that he was a safety for the Buffalo Bills who went into cardiac arrest after a tackle during a game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Paycor Stadium. He stood up, then fell like a tree. He was basically brought back to life with CPR and defibrillation and then cared for at University of Cincinnati Medical Center.
The story was in the news for days. It was a dramatic event that many people saw, either at the time or in re-played clips. Several narratives emerged. One was about the great doctors at UC Health. One was about how Cincinnati came together with our football rival Buffalo in support. Another was about what a great guy Hamlin was.
He even had a gifts-for-kids foundation, and while following his story, people donated a collective $10 million to it. He’s now using that to train more people in CPR and provide defibrillators to youth sports.
It was touching that people were so moved they donated that much money, but I couldn’t help thinking it was also irrational. After all, he didn’t actually need the money. But any time someone is moved to generosity by empathy with another human is a good thing.
I think there are some lessons from the story.
Giving up some of your own money for a cause should always come from the heart. It feels good and right to help someone who is in peril and pain. Donating at the time expressed sympathy and maybe relieved the stress of witnessing someone else’s trauma. We should all keep that feeling in mind, because there are millions of suffering people in the world for whom charitable dollars would make a difference. You don’t have to see them fall on a football field to know that. You just need a little imagination and empathy.
It was easy to send money Hamlin’s way. There were no complicating issues. He seems to be a great guy, a sincere Catholic. He wasn’t political, he didn’t get in trouble. But it’s not always that easy. Many people who need help have more complicated situations. But no one needs to be blameless to earn your sympathy and support.
Now, the self-congratulation that Cincinnati and Buffalo were being so nice to each other did feel bogus to me. The doctors at UC Medical Center weren’t ever going to say “I can’t treat this man. He’s from… a nearby state!” The enmity we thought we were overcoming is based completely on football, and that’s not real, right? But sometimes I wonder if my aggressively sports-free life means I’m missing a feeling of being part of a fierce affinity group. Because the people who saw the game were sharing sympathy and generosity as a community, and that felt good. It would be nice if that happened more often.
Reacting to a situation with help is human and positive. But if you have enough money to share, rationality and planning are also important. You can check your values, your bank account, research nonprofits, and decide where your money might help, not leave it to chance events.
If teaching more people CPR and distributing defibrillators to children’s sports teams is your cause, donate to Chasing M’s, Hamlin’s charity. If you care about the football players who have entertained you, but end their careers with brain injuries, donate to the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund. If you want to join others in your community, donate to a Cincinnati-centric charity or cause. Or, well, there are 1.48 million 501(c)(3) organizations in the United States.
When my husband and I realized we could be giving more money, we talked out a plan and set up modest monthly automatic donations. Now, if anyone asks me for money, I tell them we stick to a budget and that as much as I would love to give to their good cause, we have made our choices already. If a panhandler seems extra hapless or a friend invites us to a fundraiser they care about, I’ll be guided by spontaneity and emotion.
This year, I think the Freestore Foodbank and other charities that help struggling people directly will be getting more from us. There are getting to be fewer of us on the safe side of the poverty line to do it.
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